Artemis and the twelve days of Christmas
by LadyTyrant
Summary: Artemis recives a rather large variety of gifts this Christamas season
1. On the First Day of Christmas

**Hello there! I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. Here's the first chapter of a twelve days of Chrsitmas Fic. Please read and review.**

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On the first day of Christmas…**

A phone rang in Artemis Fowl's study. He stood, stretched slightly and picked up. "Hello." He wasn't the least surprised when he was answered by Foaly's voice. This particular phone was only for the fairies he had befriended.

"Hey Mud Boy." Whinnied the centaur's voice. "How's it going?" Artemis didn't answer, knowing full well that 1) Faoly really didn't care and 2) the Phone would be grabbed by someone else in a minute anyway. Sure enough there were sounds of a miniature scuffle, before a different voice came on the line.

"Have work for me Fowl?" Artemis recognized Mulch Diggum's voice immediately. He had employed Mulch to steal a few things for him a couple times, so the question wasn't the least bit unexpected. Again, Artemis didn't answer and again, the tell-tale sounds of a fight reached his ears.

There were a couple yelps and someone snapped "Don't encourage him!" There were a couple more shrieks, a few bangs and then the line went silent.

"Holly?" Artemis questioned, wondering just how badly she had beaten Mulch this time. There was the smallest pause before the sound of one of his closet friends under the world, came on the line.

"Artemis?'

"This is him."

"Foaly has some information on that 'Navicella'" There was a pause and Artemis heard a disgruntled Foaly saying

"I wanted to make him beg for it!"

Holly ignored him and continued "I'm going to bring it up to you. I should be there in… About an hour and a half."Artemis's reply was cut short by What could only be Trouble's voice. "That should only take an hour, unless you take a long detour," That received a guilty cough from Holly.

"I'll be here." Artemis put in and he was answered with a 'thanks' before the line went dead. Looking at the clock, Artemis saw that it was 12:30. Which meant Holly would most likely be there by 2:00. He hung the silent phone up and went back to what he and been doing.

Three hours later

Artemis smirked and saved the file he had just finished. He Now had all the information about a certain Scottish thief he'd been after for a while. Standing, he walked across the room, past the large window, and glanced outside, wondering where Holly was. She should have been here about and hour ago.

It was snowing heavily, as was typical for winter in Ireland. A heavy blanket of snow had been draped upon everything that couldn't move fast enough to keep it off.

He walked out his study, and down the richly decorated hall. He descended the large stair that led to the, well there was no other word for it, lobby of his house.

It was oddly quiet. His mother had forced Butler to accompany Juliet Christmas shopping. His mother and Father were out to a late lunch and so, Artemis had the entire house to himself.

Walking over to the front door, He opened it and took a step outside. Before he had time to take a second step, a CD case was hurled at him. Out of instinct, he didn't dodge, expecting Butler to appear out of nowhere, to stop the high speed projectile. Obviously, Butler wasn't there and it hit him square in the face.

"D'Arvit, Mud Boy!" Roared Holy short, glaring Daggers at Artemis who was clutching the CD and blinking dazedly." Do you know how long I've been out Here!?" She waved her arm angrily as she spoke, dislodging the coat of snow that had taken residence there. "An hour! That's how long!" She spat.

Artemis spoke without thinking "But your suit is heated." Yet again, something came hurtling at his face, but this time it was a fist, Holly's fist.

"That's beside the point!" she bellowed at Artemis who was now sitting on the snow covered door step. With an angry scoff, Holly activated her shield and flew off, cursing angrily under her breath.

Artemis starred blankly at where she had been a moment before. Recovering his tongue he shook his head and stood muttering "Happy Holidays to you too."

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Just for background info, the Navicella is a lost peice of artwork. Please Review and any ideas are loved. Thanks For reading!!!


	2. On the Second Day of Christamas

**Hello again! here's the next Chapter hope you like it! Oh and just so you all know, the more people review, the faster I'll update.**

**And now...On with the Show!

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On the second day of Christmas…**

"Arty, darling! Where are you?" Angeline Fowl's voice rang through the serenely quiet house. From his position in his study, Artemis could hear his Mother calling him. He saved his file before logging off the computer, and walking to the door of the room. He locked it firmly behind him and started down the stairs, slightly dreading what his mother wanted.

Ever since he had arrived home, from his adventure with the lost colony, his parent had been all about family. They were constantly trying to him to spend family nights with them. He hadn't really minded this to begin with, but they had started wanting him to spend every waking moment with the them and the twins.

And the twins them selves! They were almost a year old and so, his mother was constantly cooing over them, his father was always talking about how fast they were growing, and Juliet was reading them wrestling articles on a daily basis. Even Butler seemed to have a soft spot for them, but somehow, Artemis just didn't take to them as well as his parents had hoped.

To him they were in the way. They made noise at all hours of the day, made messes that Artemis could hardly stomach; they had gotten into his study once and thrown all his papers around. All in all, Artemis saw the twins as nothing more then nuisances.

"You called me, mother." Artemis said, stepping off the last the stair, and into the lobby of their mansion. His mother was standing beside his father, each of them holding one of the twins.

"Yes." Angeline said smiling at her son. "Your father and I are going out Christmas shopping with Juliet. So you'll have to look after the twins." She didn't mention that Butler was out since he already knew that. Butler was actually picking up Holly, since she had refused point blank to come to his house since yesterday's fiasco. She had insisted that one of them meet her just outside Dublin.

Artemis blanched slightly, but nodded stiffly, not wanting to upset his parents. Both of the afore mentioned adults smiled at their son and handed him the kids. "Just keep them happy until we or butler get back." She trilled before walking out the door followed by Artemis Senior and finally Juliet, who closed the door.

Artemis stood staring blankly at the door for a moment, before sighing and walking into the living room. He set both of the sleepy infant into their mahogany playpen, hoping they would stay quiet until Butler got back. It wasn't likely he'd be back for another twenty minutes at least.

He groaned and flopped backwards onto the leather couch and covered his eye with one arm. It was nice, the silence, but it was promptly broken, when one of the two, the girl, Athena, started crying.

Standing, the eldest of the three Fowl offspring, stalked over to the pen and looked in on its occupants. Athena was lying on her back, bawling her eyes out, and Apollo, the boy, was starting to get tearful. "What the matter?" Artemis asked, maybe a little harsher then he had meant to, and Apollo promptly started wailing with his sister. "No!" Moaned Artemis "Not you too." He quickly thought back to what he had seen his parents do when the twins started crying. The first thing that came to mind was to feed them. So, hoping it would work, Artemis walked into the Kitchen and took out some of the baby's formula. He warmed it and brought it back into the noisy living room. He reached into he crib and hesitantly tried to stick the bottle into Apollo's mouth. Apollo just shook his head and started crying louder. Next he tried Athena who refused to stay still long enough.

With a heavy sigh, Artemis set the bottle down and reached warily into the pen, he picked up Apollo, who stopped crying as soon as Artemis was holding him. Thinking that meant job done, Artemis set him back down. Apollo instantly burst into tears once more.

Drawing the only conclusion he thought logical, he picked Athena up and settled her on the couch. He then went back to the pen and picked up Apollo, before sitting down with Athena on his left, and placing Apollo on his right. He then picked up his current book, _The Telling Pool_, and started reading silently to himself.

He paused when he felt two pairs of eyes boring into him. Closing his book he found both twins watching him expectantly. With yet another sigh he began to read aloud, in a bored monotone.

Fifteen Minutes Later

Butler opened the front door, after inviting Holly inside, and both entered. Butler looked around wondering where Artemis had gotten to. Juliet had called him to tell him that Artemis had been left with the twins, and to suggest he hurried back.

Walking through the door to the living room, he and Holly both froze, staring in shock at the scene in front of them.

Artemis was sitting on the couch, with Athena in his lap, Apollo leaning over to see the book he was reading aloud for them. He was using different voices and would break off occasionally to explain something he though the twins might not understand.

Holly and Butler were both presented with the chose to 1) burst out laughing 2) Take a picture or 3) Both.

They chose both.

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Hope you liked it! I'll get the next out as soon as I can so until then Please Review!

Thanks for reading!

LadyTyrant


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